Friday, October 20, 2006

Pretenses

Her letter lay on the table, unopened still, for the third day in a row—
I can always pretend it took a few days longer in the mail.

Peace,
another word to ruminate over,
chew on it like cud, and regurgitate.
No, I won’t tell you what it is;
one of those things you know only when you lose,
like life, like happiness,
like your keys.

We were walking 'round the neighborhood when the weather started to shiver,
looking inside houses, cloaked in the night—
if people knew how much their chandeliers told about them, they’d lose them.
I was savoring the cold like I do my sadness—
silently, with nostrils open, and a smirk on the inside of my mouth.
I was pretending, when we buy a house, I can invite my family over some time.
But the thought got stuck, there, on a wooden bench near the back entrance,
damp with the evening’s breath, fibers gaping, ready for the frost.

Peace.
Should the peaceful even be allowed to talk about it?
If we could only will it, we wouldn’t be here.
Yes, let’s pretend.

Pretense,
that’s how people wait for peace, pretending that it was there.
And in the meantime, there are fridges to be cleaned.

We celebrated our seventh anniversary in front of the TV—no sex, just apple pie.
Our faces were beaming in the glow of having said it all,
or just enough—the rest is too boring anyhow.
These days I can pretend to devour him—he doesn’t even need to know.

Peace.
It’s like nothing, the anticipation of pain—
is good the absence of evil?
Abundance, time, they cost.
One of those things you forget about.

8 comments:

gitanes legeres said...

welcome back maestro!!!
powerful, great post..

majen-as named by Ash said...

Congrats on ur 7th. Extremely touching post!!!

arch.memory said...

N, yes, it's been a while... Gosh, I hate dry spells!

And look who's there: Majen! So good to find a comment from you.

Thanks, dears.

katy said...

sometimes i feel guilty for enjoying a poem of yours so much, ashraf. not sure why... i think i know what's happening, what's going on. i think i know what that smirk looks like although i don't think i've ever seen it. i know the setting, the tv. and i can't help but love the idea of the two of you sat there, together and stuffed with pie. two strange little boys. maybe you were holding hands too, or even better... maybe you didn't need to.

it's adorable when you two cuddle. you look so content and happy. i remember vividly the way you both laughed in unison to Spaced when ryan and i showed it to you and the way you were piled on top of one another on the sofa here, all cuddles and smiles.

i'm going on and on about this here because you just sent the sweetest email reply to my little email earlier today and i adore you even more for it, my pet!

jooj said...

leh ha sadness ya Asrah leh?
But if sadness is necessary for such beauty in writing, then be it :).

arch.memory said...

Katy, that is the sweetest! Thanks, dear.

Jooj, shou badna na3mil? Hay 7al el-dineh... Thanks! ;)

Mirvat said...

hi ashraf, can you please add a link to the website i described in the post below? rabih wanted to promote it on as many blogs as possible http://lebanonheartblogs.blogspot.com/2006/10/new-website.html

thanks

Pearl said...

I enjoyed reading that. Good to hear you hosting the carnival.